Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
