I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
