wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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