now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
