so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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