I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
