So drunk, too bad you don't want this
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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