Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
