I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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