We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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