Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
