im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
