I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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