Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
