It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
