I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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