Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
