is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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