I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
