Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
