carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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