Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
