Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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