if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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