so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
