I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
