It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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