sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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