I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
