It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
