using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
