I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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