I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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