it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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