Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
