this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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