I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
