we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
