That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize