it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
