you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
