you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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