Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
