I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
