I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
