roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
