You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
