i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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