I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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