My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
