Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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