That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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