You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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