i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
