Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
