I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
