shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
