So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
