watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
