sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my being single is dangerous.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
