I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
