Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
