I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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