Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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