dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
