FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
