he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
