Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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