my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
