I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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