I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I die, sorry about rent.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
