She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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